


love like this

by inlovewithnight



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Depression, F/M, meds adjustment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-19
Updated: 2012-08-19
Packaged: 2017-11-12 11:35:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/490446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inlovewithnight/pseuds/inlovewithnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alicia's always got Mikey's back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	love like this

Mikey tilts his chin up and sets the razor to his throat, rolling his eyes as far down as he can to watch himself in the mirror. _Shower and shave, babe_ , Alicia said, standing between him and the TV. _We need to leave soon_.

 _Gerard won't care_ , he answered, and it was true, Gerard never cared if Mikey had showered or shaved within 24 or 48 or 72 hours or a week before he came over. Things like that just didn't bother Gerard.

 _You'll feel better_ , she said, and walked away. Left the TV on so he could decide for himself if he was actually going to do it or if he was just going to stay there and watch the end of _Steel Magnolias_. Suggest, don't order, that was what the therapist said in their joint session to talk about how she shouldn't let herself slip into thinking of herself as his guardian or his mom. Help, don't run his life.

He's seen _Steel Magnolias_ six hundred times anyway, and she did suggest instead of ordering, so he went and showered and now he's shaving. Or at least he's standing in front of the mirror with the razor at his neck and shaving cream in all the places it's supposed to be. He's making progress.

His pill bottles are lined up in a neat row at the far end of the counter. There's a post-it on the mirror above them, reminding him of the timing of stepping up to the new dose. He can take that down now, really, if he wants; he's been fully ramped up to new dosage for two days now. But having the note there is fine, too. 

He looks at himself in the mirror again and realizes that the shaving cream is softening and running down his skin. Fuck. He adjusts his grip on the razor and starts shaving. He'll look neat and careful. Lindsey will kiss his cheek and smile at him. Gerard will give him a hug and smile because obviously things are going well. Alicia will squeeze his hand at his side and everyone will be happy.

He sets the razor down and splashes water on his face, washing the foam away. Things are going well. Everyone will be happy.

**

"You've gotta eat," Gerard says, frowning at him over his cigarette.

Mikey shrugs. "Changing my meds, you know. Kills my appetite. I'm not hungry."

"But you've gotta eat. Your jeans are falling off you. Your t-shirt's a tent. Jesus, Mikey."

Gerard is exaggerating. It hasn't been long enough for him to lose that kind of weight. Gerard is speaking from worry and love and it would be beautiful if Mikey was capable of giving a shit right now.

"I'll eat later. Thank you. I appreciate you looking out for me."

"Don't fucking therapist-talk at me." Gerard takes another drag on his cigarette and shakes his head. "If it's fucking with you this much, maybe you should just--"

Alicia sighs and kicks Gerard under the table. "Knock it off."

"Look at him, Alicia."

"I look at him every day." Her voice is low and measured and carrying a hell of a warning. Mikey wonders if Gerard's going to pick up what she's putting down or just keep going.

"Maybe he needs a lower dose, not higher, did anyone consider that?" 

Keep going it is, then. Mikey leans back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. Plain, boring white. People never make their ceilings beautiful.

"Knock it off or we'll go home," Alicia's saying. They've done it before, walked out of Gerard's house and gone home, where Mikey can crawl into bed and lie in the dark and quiet for a while until he feels like he can sit up and function again. 

It's not Gerard's fault. His love is protective and dramatic. Arms around Mikey like Superman, carrying him away. Alicia's love is a blanket. It's a warm place to sleep. Not better or worse. Just different.

More therapist-talk.

"I'll have one of the cookies," he says, leaning forward again and blinking at them both. "Okay? Will that be cool?"

**

He's exhausted by the time they get home. He lets the dogs out and leans against the house while they run around the yard. They want him to play and he knows it, but he just can't tonight. Tomorrow he'll be better. 

He sits down in the grass and Piglet hurries over, climbing into his lap and licking his face. "Tomorrow," he tells her, rumpling her ears. "We'll do something fun tomorrow."

He hears the door click open and closed, and Alicia's footsteps. "What about tomorrow?"

"Maybe I'll take them to the dog park or something. Let them have some fun."

"That'd be nice." She stands behind him, her fingers in his hair, scritching at him the same way he is at Piglet. "Come inside and maybe you and I can have some fun, too."

He shakes his head a little, trying not to dislodge her hand, but it falls to his neck anyway. "Can't."

"Mikey..."

"You _know_ I can't."

"You can't come. That doesn't mean we can't fool around."

He hates hearing her say it out loud, so blunt and...out there. "What's the point?"

"Mikey."

"I can't even get, like, enough to even really get you off, either, so it's just..."

"If you say a waste of time, I will smack you."

"Not a _waste_."

"I will actually straight-up hit you."

"You're telling me you really want to just fool around like teenagers and not get off?"

"Yes. I'm telling you that I want to touch you, and look at you, and kiss you, because I _love_ you, and I love that you're taking care of yourself, because that is actually a higher priority to me than getting fucked til I walk funny."

Mikey tilts his head back and frowns at her. "I don't think I've ever made you walk funny."

"See? If I wanted that, I would've married somebody else."

He has to laugh, leaning back against her legs. "Wow."

"Come inside and talk dirty to me about alien tentacles, Mikey Way. And you are absolutely forbidden to get me off."

He turns his head and kisses her thigh. "Other people don't have wives like you."

"Damn right they don't. I'm one of a kind." She tangles her fingers in his hair again and pulls, tugging him up to his feet. "You're a lucky guy."

He is, he is, he is.


End file.
